When coping with debt and shame.
It is quite unexplainable to my fullest tone as the depth of the pain is so much. Things were different when we were settled well in the UK with our three kids as my husband had some good business. But things started to change very soon as the business which was running good faced some major setback. We didn’t bother much early as we thought that business will pop up soon, but it never came until we had to sell out our beautiful house because of the debt. I used to cry in the presence of God for several hours and ask Jesus Why? Why? Why? I go to my bed and cry to the Lord and come back. Things never changed, and the situation became even worse day by day.
When the business was so down my husband started getting into addiction and gambling. He used to sell out of the things in the home to make money for his drugs and gambling. I was all alone with my kids to cope with the situation. Those who have lent the money started coming to my home every day. I could not face them. As I was just 33 years, some even try to approach me with bad intentions, in all the situations, it was God who safeguarded me.
I went through so much shame, depression, anxiety, fear, and what every you name it I could have gone through it. When the situation turned from worse to worsen, people from my family started moving out of us. I had no one to share my pain even with my kids as they were so young to grasp the pain I had been going through. I had no other choices in my life other than to go to Jesus and cry and come back. The routine I had been going through for five years. The worst phase of my life. Romans 8: 28 says “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” I later found that it was God who used every situation of my life, my shame, my depression, my pain for good. It had a purpose.
Even though I had faith in God.
Sometimes I used to think off about suicide or do move out of this country. But one day God spoke to me “You will restore all” If we commit suicide or run out of the country it will unglorify God’s name. So we stayed in faith until God opens his ways which no man can stop. We had several weeks which no food, no electricity, no vacation, no Christmas but the faith in God was never empty. God can turn our situation upside-down within a fraction of God. He did with many of the characters in the Bible, and I believed that he could do the same for me. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I am serving a big God who can do impossible things for me.
There is no delay in God’s timing, and things started to change as God heard my prayers and opened a new path. My husband went through a rehabilitation centre and cured entirely of the addiction. He previously had some experience in Bakery, so he planned to open a Bakery business in Cardiff. God blessed the humble beginning, and we started to settle down all the debts. It was his grace that we have come out to this position. Once we thought that I was all over and we could never stand up again.
But our God starts a new way when everything closes. I always remember one song “God will make a way where there seem to be no ways” It was right in my life. We are happy to back again and serving God as a family. Are you facing shame and pain in your life? Never shift your focus out Jesus. Accept Jesus as your savior and repent for your sins. He will do something great, which we have never anticipated or never dreamt of. Ephesians 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
Living on a low income and the humility of surviving on government aid, losing our home, and declaring bankruptcy built our faith like never before. It’s easy to trust God when you feel like your needs are met; it’s a different story when you have to trust Him to meet every single need. During this time we clung to the promise of His restoration, and to the promise that He would use our story—as difficult as it was to live—to somehow impact others and turn their hearts toward Him.
You, too, dear reader, can embrace the hope of rising above your circumstances, even when they are as bleak as ours were. You can pick up the pieces of humbling times and see fruit in the aftermath—relationships restored, burdens lifted, and a heart of positivity that blooms and grows.